Dreaming of better weather...

I woke up this morning dreaming about Fall. It was 109 degrees yesterday in Houston, record heat. It's so hot that I walked three houses over to my neighbor's and I was dripping in sweat and swear I smelled bad by the time I got to her door. Walking to the grocery store and back to my car was a miserable experience.

Heat makes me irritable. It makes me groggy. It makes me thirsty. It makes me want to stay inside. I am so ready for the Fall to get here. I want to take the girls on a bike ride and have them enjoy our swing set in the yard. I want to sit out on my patio in the evenings and read my Kindle and drink a glass of wine.

But mostly, I want to wear my bad ass boots.


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The Burbs...

 One of the best and most difficult decisions I made was to move to the burbs. I am so happy I made this choice for my girls and for me. I have been so welcomed to my neighborhood. I have only been living here five months and have some great new friends. It's good for the soul to be around good people. There is no comparison or keeping up with the Joneses here. It's just plain fun. And that we had last night.

It was my turn to host our little monthly get together for the ladies of my street (and some from other streets in the hood). We did a Passion Party. I have never been to one and wasn't sure what to think. It was fun...hilariously fun. We drank, ate a bit, laughed our asses off, and just had a good time. And it was so needed. I can tell that friendships will be long lasting with this group of ladies.

My girls have become better friends with their kids as well and that is exactly what I wanted for them...to live somewhere that they can run a house over and have a whole slew of kids to play with. They literally run to the bus stop each morning to see their new friends. They make up dance routines together. They dress alike. They wake up asking if they can go play. It's a whole new world for them and we are just loving it!

So, to my Better Than Bunco (because we'd never actually play) ladies...thank you thank you thank you for welcoming us into your humble little circle! xxooo


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Survival of the First Week...

 We have pretty much successfully made it through our first week at a new school! There have been no real issues. There was one low the first day of school and one low today after school. Only one number over 300 after school one day and none at school. No one got made fun of, hurt, cried, or felt uncomfortable. The bus driver let them out at the wrong stop one day but turns out that was planned so they could run in the rain...not a good thing but pretty damn cute (the stops are literally a few feet apart). They are making friends easily and feeling like neighborhood kids. I have not seen this many smiles ever I don't think! Which makes me smile, inside and out.

Diabetes at school is going well. The only thing that was changed was the buddy system to the nurse. The teachers were sending Lily and her friend Austin (also type 1) together as buddies. Austin's mom and I thought this wasn't such a great idea in case both kids were low. Paranoid? Maybe. But they are only 7 years old.

So, I couldn't have asked for a better week for the first week of school! I think this move was a good thing...for everyone.

It's mommy time this weekend with a party at my house tomorrow night with the neighborhood mommies...we are putting a little more passion into our lives! Good time are going to be had!


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DWD...

 Funniest thing happened today and I had to share...

I took Lily to the eye doctor (thankfully up the road just a bit) since she was complaining of headaches sometimes when she reads. I have been attempting to do this for a month but can't find the time so tonight was it. I decided to get my eyes checked too since I get what I can only describe as "tired eyes" when I read my Kindle or am on my computer or phone (which is a lot).

So the doctor checked us both out and turns out, I need some sort of reading type glasses with a technology lens specifically for "tired eyes" or strain basically. Great...I was secretly a little excited since I found some really cool frames the other day while making appointments.

Well, dumb shit doctor dilated both of us. We were literally the blind leading the blind. I drove home cursing him that I was going to get a DUI...or a DWD (Driving While Dilated). I couldn't see my phone so I just kept pushing names that looked like my ex so I could tell him the outcome (sorry Dad). I was attempting to text people back as well...why I don't know because I couldn't see shit.

So, we get to the light by the house and I am going on and on about how I am going to get dinner ready when I can't see anything and I realized no one can read Lily's pump. Lily was dilated too. She is all in the back seat thinking it's the coolest thing ever with her fake sunglasses on. Given the day I have had, I was not thinking this was the coolest thing ever. Thank GOD for neighbors. We went to a friend's house and she administered the pump. I then got home to find a bottle of my favorite wine on my front step with a sweet card wishing me all better. The same friend that left the wine told me to watch myself cry in the mirror since it heightens the drama...still giggling over that!

This was just so ironic that I spent all night fuzzy eyed after I have spent months fuzzy eyed. I have to say that I although I am broken-hearted, the shame on you post was about believing in a relationship...and having it not be what I thought it was. I am not going to go into detail but it is not as it sounded...I still love him and we both have a rough road ahead of us and I am sad we won't be going down it together. My dad told me tonight that I have spent months worried and fretting over what was to become of us with a pending move and so many miles apart. He also pointed out that someone having to "give up everything" to move for someone else only leads to resentment. He is right.

And I have not unpacked my baggage. I have left it all wadded up in a corner. I need to see what this world is about on my own. I need to find my happiness again...my strength...right now sucks but it won't be so fuzzy forever.

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The Switch...

I have been stuck in a bubble. A bubble I can't seem to penetrate. I bob around in this bubble half-functioning in my daily life. I am tired. I am stressed. I am confused. I am heartbroken. I am worried. Through all of this though, I remain hopeful.

I hope for a peaceful existence for me and my girls. I hope to go to bed at night with a smile on my face and not a tear on my pillow. I hope that each day brings more positive energy to me and my heart heals a little more. I hope that I can trust that love is on my side and not against me...trying to teach me some sort of life lesson. I hope I regain the insurmountable courage and strength that I once possessed for all things. I hope my five year old can help me understand what she is going through that makes her not want to sleep alone or be away from me. I hope that diabetes doesn't claim my oldest child...my little girl that brings me the purest form of love. I hope I can find a way to make ends meet and still enjoy my life as a single parent. And I hope I can just learn to find happiness from within...to control the paths my thoughts take me down. The unwanted territory that I often get led to.

I am human. I am passionate. I am made of many, many layers. I refuse to hide behind a happy face and let all of these things manifest inside. I tried that and it did me no good. I am flipping my switch today. Flipping it back ON. I am going to let the light shine again and realize that there are some things in life I simply cannot control. I control what I do about these things and I want to look back on my life with pride and say I did the right thing always for me and those that love me. THAT is how I need to be defining my life. That is how I penetrate the bubble and move on from here. I have made a deal with myself today that I will no longer exist in another shadow but live in my own light. The only key to fulfillment and happiness, in my opinion, is loving who you are and knowing you have not jeoparized your worth! What better gift can a mother give her children after all, than that of a happy and healthy mother?

     “A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” Mahatma Gandhi

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The Preparation for School...

Tis the season for new backpacks, school supplies, new shoes and tax free shopping. I can't believe summer is over. It's over and I never had one. I also cannot believe my daughters are in 2nd grade and Kindergarten. When the hell did they grow up and when are they going to STOP?

Getting ready for a new school is a task that will leave you reeling with worry...will the girls make friends quickly? Will they get the best education they possibly can? Will I get used to the new rules and times (those of you that know me know that I am NEVER on time anywhere...no comment, Matt). But throw diabetes into the mix and it is a whole new set of worry. Will they keep an eye on Lily? Will they notice if she is low or if her pump quits working? Will they send her on her merry way to the nurse without a buddy? Are the doctor's orders correct? How long will it take to get our 504 in place and how the hell do you get it in place anyway? Arrrggghhh!!!

I tend to worry anyway but this is ridiculous! The girls had been at their private school for the last three years so starting school was like going home again. Now, we went from a school of 350 total to 980 total. Wow. Wow. Wow. BUT...they will do just fine. Lily is not the only diabetic (there is another 2nd grader and a 5th grader). Both of them make friends easily and never get in trouble so at least we have that.

I am going to end tonight by having a beer and doing something relaxing to get my mind off of the first day of school that is lurking around the corner! Today is a special day after all...

Today has been one year. One year since I left a comment on Facebook about back fat of all things. A comment that led to a friendship that led to a romance that led to a love like no other. A year of new beginnings. A year of building. Building something special that started with a solid foundation of friendship and respect. A respect that has been tested in the worst of ways at times. Our building has collapsed and been rebuilt...and now it is stronger than it ever was in the first place. It keeps us together and protected from miles and miles of distance, even in the worst of storms.


One year. 12 months. 365 days. We have grown and flourished into something pretty damn good and I hope we continue to weather the storms together. Happy Anniversary my love.

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Rambling Thoughts...

Men and women are so different. It's more than Mars and Venus. Women want what we seem to think are little things: affection, support, help around the house and with the kids, and love. Men want what they think is simple: financial security and freedom to be who they are. Women often define themselves by how they treat others, the accomplishments their family has made, how their relationship is going, etc. Men often define themselves by the level of their success.

So, tell me this...how the hell are we supposed to live peacefully and blissfully when we see the world in such different ways? I am trying really hard to learn to communicate better and not to get upset when I feel misunderstood or my boyfriend isn't responding to my excitement about something like I think he should. But it seems like an impossible feat. Men and women are SO different. Even as children, the little boys run like crazy, climb on everything, and stay in a constant state of dirty. Little girls are usually a bit more reserved and like to look fancy. I am speaking generally here, of course. It just never ceases to amaze me. I watch my girls play with boys and they just think and approach tasks in such a different manner!

I imagine all of these little souls living their lives all over the world...each one wanting to find that other little soul that makes them feel special and loved, and that they can shower with their affections. Once you find another little soul that you click with...there is a lot of learning and understanding and compromise that comes along with it. I used to believe in soul mates and now I believe in finding the perfect combination of love, passion, friendship, and respect. I think one of the most important aspects of a relationship is learning how to fight without hurt. That and as a friend pointed out, conflict resolution. It is very easy to go round and round with an argument...for years. I did it for ten years to be exact while married...without anything getting accomplished. This wise friend also pointed out that if two people don't argue ever in a relationship, someone is holding back and that is not healthy.

It feels good to be in a relationship with someone who allows me this exploration. He allows me to try to discover and realize HOW to be in a good relationship and he takes the journey with me. I'm sure I am not easy to figure out. At all. I am a woman, after all.

And on the diabetes front...I am still going to blog about diabetes, of course. It is a huge part of our life. I have just needed a little break lately. I've been seriously stressing about the working mommy guilt and school starting with a new regimen, all of the blue candles, etc. etc. etc. I was really scared to go to bed last night because Lily was only 142 and she had dropped some the night before. So, I got up every couple of hours and checked her after I adjusted her insulin. She was fine after the adjustments but I am exhausted to the core.

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